loki's mom (has got it going on)
by Artemesia
Summary: Tony Stark might not have much common sense, but he knows an amazing woman when he sees one. Too bad Frigga's sons don't quite see it that way.


"So, did it hurt?"

Frigga smiled bemusedly at the small, dark-haired man with bright blue eyes and a equally dazzling smile.

"Did what hurt, Mr..."

"Stark. Tony Stark. But you, you can call me anything you like." Loki, brushing the New Mexican sand from his coat, glared at Stark. Thor was too occupied with Jane, who still went into paroxysms of scientific joy every time she travelled by the Bifrost, to notice anything amiss. "I just meant did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"Heaven? I believe you're confusing us with a different pantheon." Frigga gathered up the folds of her pale gold travelling dress as Odin came to take her arm. "But no, it did not hurt. Thank you for your courtesy," she continued. "You aren't a thing like Loki described."

"Imagine that." Tony gave Frigga one last wink as Loki stalked towards him.

"What are you doing, Stark?" Loki might have reconciled with his family, and made an awkward sort of peace with Earth, but his attitude was just as sardonic as ever.

"Nice to see you too, Loki." Stark grinned and clasped his hands behind his back. "But I believe I'm acting, how did Fury order it, as a representative of Earth to the representatives from Asgard." He turned and appraised Frigga as she and Odin boarded the Quinjet. "And their moms."

"You're acting like even more of an idiot than usual, Stark, which is saying something," Loki hissed, grabbing Tony by the elbow.

"Maybe your mom likes her guys young and foolish."

* * *

The awkwardness in Stark tower only partially had to do with the cadre of Asgardian gods standing around, sipping wine.

It had everything to do, however, with Tony Stark, who had become Frigga's winking, coquettish shadow.

"So, Sparky's the God of Thunder, and Crankypants is the God of Lies or Mischief or General Dickishness-"

"Why Stark." Lodi smiled broadly as he sipped at a glass of Bordeaux. "If it were the latter, you would be my most ardent worshipper."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just wondering, gorgeous," Tony continued, turning his attention to the amused goddess, "what your particular speciality was."

"You flatter me, Mr. Stark." Frigga bowed her head. Odin raised his from his glass, fixing his one eye on the small bearded man. "I had several purviews, but women in childbirth were the special objects of my care."

"Not like that isn't fascinating, and important, somehow but I was completely wrong. That usually doesn't happen." Tony grinned and shook his head. "That usually never happens."

"And how were you wrong?" Frigga smiled over the rim of her wine glass.

"I was thinking beauty, fertility, and even though I suppose babies are a consequence, mostly sex."

Tony vanished in a pop of green light, and from outside the window, a muffled and rapidly diminishing shouting could be heard.

"Where did Mr. Stark go?" Frigga's brows raised as she looked about the room.

Loki continued to sip idly at his wine. "Oh, he had to step out."

* * *

"I did not see a test of the Mark 42 on your schedule today, sir."

"Jarvis?" Stark tower streaked by in a dizzying blur as boots finally snapped around Tony's feet.

"Yes, sir?" Even plummeting to the ground, Jarvis' inflections didn't change.

Tony engaged his rockets, narrowly avoiding becoming a smear on the sidewalk. "Shut up."

* * *

It should have been a fantastic night. The room sparkled with thousands of flickering lights, jazz fluttered through the air. The human and Asgardian delegates, all dressed to the nines, were drinking heavily.

It was anything but a good time. Frigga watched the drinking and guarded conversations with a faintly concerned look. Loki watched his mother with a protective glower. Tony watched the two Asgardians with a sly smile as he sidled up to them.

"You should really let Pepper take you shopping. Not like you don't look stunning," Tony said, waving a hand at her pale silver and blue gown, "but I'm sure Barney's has something that would make you look like, well, a goddess."

Loki grit his teeth. "That may be because she IS a goddess, Stark."

Frigga smiled for the first time that night. "It's quite all right, Loki. Though he does have a point. I have rather a lot of gowns."

"Yeah. Though do any of them make you look like a GILF?" Tony could feel Loki's gaze boring into the back of his skull like a repulsor beam.

"A what?" Frigga tilted her head. "I'm afraid I don't know that word."

"It's an acronym." Tony sidled up to her. "It stands for Goddess I'd Like to F-"

Loki turned and in a single, lightning-fast gesture, sent Tony through a window, down to the traffic over fifty stories below.

The music screeched to silence and the hushed arguments gave way to slack-jawed and wordless looks of horror.

"Oh please." Loki rolled his eyes. "I may be the only one who's ever pushed Stark out a window, but I am not the only one who's considered it."

Pepper silently whistled and rifled absently through the contents of her purse as a cursing red and gold blur shot past the broken glass.

* * *

Tony sat in the lobby, nursing a scotch and a bruised and possibly broken shoulder. Fury had not-so-kindly forced him from the summit after Loki answered his entirely flattering comment about Frigga with his fist.

Considering the various gods, demi-gods, politicians, and S.H.I.E.L.D. agents looked ready to throw down any second, Tony doubted his little exile was going to do the world any favors.

"Mr. Stark." He didn't know where Frigga had come from, but suddenly she was in front of him, and he suddenly felt young and foolish. Okay, mostly foolish. "I thought you would be inside, seeing to business."

"Yeah, your son didn't agree. You can guess which one." Tony grimaced and rotated his arm. "Besides, no one there really thinks I'm any good with words." He grinned and motioned to the plush chair across from him. "Unbelievable, right?"

"Completely," Frigga said as she slid into the seat. One hand effortlessly glided into the air, and a second later there was a glass of wine in it.

Must be good to be a goddess.

'Though, speaking of words, all those things I said, it was just to bug Loki. Don't get to do that much anymore and I'd forgotten how much I missed it." Tony grinned awkwardly and rubbed at the back of his head, wincing at the sudden pull. "Even if I should find safer hobbies."

"Not many could challenge Loki in word or in wit. He's always spoken of you as one of his few worthy opponents." Tony felt an odd sort of satisfaction at the compliment. "I may be from another realm, but even I can see when one is speaking genuinely and one is trying to...get someone's goat, as the saying goes."

"Not like I don't think you're completely amazing," Tony said, his words coming a little faster than he'd like. "Because you are, and it's not because you're gorgeous. I'm not just talking about gorgeous for your age but you are stunning, you know that?"

Frigga smiled and bowed her head, a hint of a blush coming to her cheeks. "It has been a while, perhaps, since someone told me as such. And perhaps that's why I humored your flattery."

"Oh, it wasn't flattery. I mean, I'm usually a lot more tasteful. Just ask Pepper. Actually, don't ask Pepper," Tony added. "Just take my word on it. But seriously? Odin has to be blind in that one good eye not to see, every single day, what an incredible woman you are."

"Mr. Stark-"

"Tony. Call me Tony."

"I am touched, Tony." Frigga rested her hand at the base of her neck, looking beautiful and timeless. "Though I know my husband thinks so. He is simply not so talented with words."

"And they have him and Loki in there? No wonder they're all at each other's throats. Talk about the wrong people..." Tony almost slammed his hand down, the epiphany that hit him was just that strong. He finished his scotch and rose, taking Frigga by the hand and pulling her up.

"Tony?" Her hand was warm, and smooth, and more importantly, she didn't pull it away.

"Just another crazy, brilliant idea," he said as he and the surprised goddess walked, hand in hand, into the sunlit metal canyons of Manhattan.

* * *

"You're either a brave man, Stark, or a very stupid one." Loki sidled up to Tony the next morning, the tension between them back to whatever was normal. If only he could say the same for the rest of the room.

"I can't be both?" Tony nibbled on a cheese Danish. He'd thoroughly enjoyed that none of the Norse gods, save Thor, had any idea what a Danish was.

"I used to think that you alone combined those two traits, but I am increasingly convinced your entire species is as difficult as you are." The 'discussions' were already a little loud and heated, but nothing like they'd been yesterday.

"I'd say the same but I'm starting to think some of you have a little common sense." Tony smiled at a figure with pale red hair, pulled into an elaborate bun, dressed in a stunning dove-grey suit. "At least one of you. Thinking we might actually get some progress today."

Loki, narrowing his gaze on the woman, was actually speechless once he realized who it was. "Stark, is that my mother?"

"Yes, it is. And before you go and knock me out another window, you all should have really invited her from the start." Tony popped the last bit of crumbly sweetness into his mouth. "Any woman who has to deal with a family like yours can bang out an intergalactic peace treaty in no time."

Loki blinked, and Tony swore he saw the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "Well. I almost feel bad for hitting you quite so hard yesterday, Stark."

"I'll take an almost apology." Tony felt the angry throb in said shoulder as Thor came up to him and clapped a meaty hand upon it.

"I do not know what has changed, but I have hope for an agreement soon," Thor boomed. "And once we have an agreement, perhaps we can celebrate appropriately. With shawarma."

"I might be having another sort of celebration," Tony said suggestively, but it was Thor who looked at him first, not Loki.

"What do you mean?" Shit. Tony tugged at his collar eve as Loki's smile went from normal to terrifying in 2.3 seconds.

"He means, brother, that he intends a private celebration with our mother." Tony mouthed 'you're dead' to Loki, but the only reply he received was a grin and a silent 'no, you are.'

"Why should you celebrate with our mother, much less in private?" Thor's blue eyes darkened as understanding flashed across his features. "Man of Iron, tell me you do not have inappropriate intentions towards my mother!"

"Relax, Captain Thunderpants," Tony said. "It's not like you two are going to be calling me Daddy any time soon-"

He saw Mjolnir speed through the air a second before he felt himself falling, yet again, out another broken window.

* * *

"Tony."

"Pepper, I'm kinda trying to fly back with one foot here. Can I call you back?" Tony veered to avoid clipping the Chrysler Building.

"Not until you explain this charge in the Barney's women's department yesterday, and a picture in the Post of you and some red-head-"

"She's more a strawberry blond."

"I can't believe you, Tony! I'm running your company, we're practically engaged, and you're cheating on me with...well, are you even going to tell me her name?"

"Loki's mom."

"Tony, I'm being serious."

'So am I. Though there's nothing between me and Frigga. You're still the only goddess I worship."

Tony could practically hear Pepper blush through the commlink. "You're sweet. Stupid, but sweet."

"I know, I know." Tony wondered if he could fly down and hit a little flower stand on his way home, and not actually hit it. "Besides, if I was interested in Frigga, which I'm not, I'd give you my blessing for a torrid one-night affair with Thor."

"That's awfully generous of you, but Thor's not really my type."

"Please don't tell me you'd seriously go for Loki. I thought you of all people would see through that smooth-talking bad boy routine."

"I learned to see through that a long time ago." There was a long and dangerous pause on the other end, and Tony could feel his palms sweating inside the metal gloves.

"Did I ever tell you," Pepper said sweetly, " I have a thing for guys in eyepatches?"


End file.
